The Decision to Move
Bridge across the Waitangi Mangroves - Bay of Islands, Northland, New Zealand
“Every farewell combines loss and new freedom”
Becoming ‘coupled’ with another person allows you to share significant life experiences with a partner in crime. So where we had individually experienced substantial farewells in our independent pasts– lost loved ones, failed romances, that distancing that happens between friends – Kelsey and I have now come to share them, or at least the losses and new freedoms associated with these farewells. Surely, minor farewells slip their way into our individual lives without much effect on the other, but the bigger, more significant ones are taken as a team. An example? But, of course.
In early 2015, despite the potential benefits of an expanded resumé, Colin decided to say farewell to his position in state government. This presented obvious losses (e.g. a salary, furthering professional relationships), but also freedom and time to explore more burning passions. It was this farewell that allowed him to find SalusWorld, for example, and later create his first podcast, 30 Seconds In (shameless plug!). It may have also forced him a bit to pursue some male modeling opportunities in order to earn a comparable annual income, but that’s a whole different blog entirely.
Meanwhile, Kelsey had been itching to say farewell to a particular job for some time, and was serendipitously presented with an opportunity to do so midway through the same year. Though she lost daily interactions with some good friends, this seemingly burgeoning start-up balanced that with an appealing ‘new freedom.’ With this new company, Kelsey soon found herself in the running for a position opening up in London. Hearing this, Colin eased up on his professional job hunt, as both of us felt excitedly optimistic. A shared dream to live and work abroad manifesting itself in reality – what could be more grand?!
Sunrise over the Pacific Ocean - Uretiti Beach Camp, Northland, New Zealand
Answer: a closer alignment of optimism and reality. Instead, in the first week of 2016, it appeared as though loss would gain the upper hand following our 2015 farewells to jobs. It was then that Kelsey’s nascent employer began its first round of nation-wide layoffs, taking our dream of an international relocation with it. Kelsey was left blindsided and dazed, feeling everything from confusion, to foolishness, to fear. Colin’s reaction wasn’t too dissimilar as male modeling hadn’t proven to be the ticket to an international lifestyle either. Just like that, our life was tipped heavily to the loss side of the “farewell scale.” Or so we thought for a while.
Whether the ratio of loss to new freedom in any farewell is predetermined or entirely subjective could be debated, but spending some time thinking out loud and having candid conversations allowed us to see through such a significant defeat into the liberty it presented. Here we were in an even better position than before to live out our shared desire for international life. We still had each other and a mutual vision, and without jobs worth planting roots for, or ones dictating where abroad we would go; without children or similar commitments tying us down; having built up so much emotional momentum for the idea of living outside the US – we were now free to ride that momentum to whatever destination we wanted. The only thing holding us back…
…deciding where to go.*
Multi-city directional signpost at the Cape Reigna Lighthouse Lookout - Cape Reigna, Northland, New Zealand
*Ok, not the only thing. There were some significant milestones in our loved ones’ lives that we wanted to be around for – father/son golf tournaments, weddings, birth of a nephew – so we left when the time was right.